In a way, I did have a new job in January. Our office had been moved to a much smaller physical space, I had a new (higher status) boss, and new responsibilities even as my previous responsibilities continued in a much altered form. In addition, I no longer had my own desk, but instead shared the front reception counter ‘work space’ with the student assistant (reduced to only one at any given time, rather then two as before). As January became February, multiple aspects of the work environment became increasingly untenable and I sought the assistance of our in-house counseling services. I understood the metaphor (and the futility) of staying with something that had become ‘too small’, but simply could not find a way to break free, to move, to leave. I tried to make it work, even as I could feel myself dying inside.
In March, directly related to an incident at work, my back went into severe spasm. I was, effectively, immobile for several days. With much time to think and process the painfully (!) obvious message(s) in those body-based metaphors, my feelings, fears, and the price I’d been paying was very clear. The potential consequences of remaining where I was could not be ignored. Sitting on the fence was no longer an option.
Internally, something significant shifted in April. Fears and objections about why I couldn’t leave were no longer an issue. There were no more questions about what to do, or when, or how. I didn’t know how things were going to turn out. I didn’t even know how I would support myself, yet I was not afraid. I knew what needed to be done — knew what I *had to* do. Soon after, I gave notice that I would be leaving. An unexpected opportunity appeared the next day which would allow me to do something I loved. About this time I (and several others) began an eight month facilitated program of connecting explicitly and intentionally with Spirit in everyday life.
I said my final goodbyes to the job in June. A ‘found’ cushion (previously forgotten) eased the initial transition. Had there had been no cushion, leaving was still the right thing to do, though there were many uncertainties and even more unknowns. I felt protected, safe, as summer turned to fall. The eight month program concluded in November with a special ceremony of transition and completion.
For some period of time now, as I go about my days, I am sometimes on a bus that travels past the offices of my last job. It seems like a world away – another lifetime, so long ago. Who was this person, and why was she so afraid? I remember her, and feel compassion for her struggles. When she asks ‘where are you going?’ I am as yet unable to answer her – I do not know. I only know that it is right that I am here and not there.
I have stepped into the unknown — at times joyfully embracing the clearly unfolding new world, at other times not so much — a few of those steps have been bigger than expected and required facing and acknowledging some things I hadn’t wanted to see. Much has changed, in ways both subtle and overt. Much is in the process of changing.
Periodically, I get a glimpse as to where I am in this dream as it maps onto waking life. I’ve jumped into the chasm. I’m awakening on the other side. Recently, the dream image of the group gathering came forward, with an upcoming waking life event arising from it. I am oriented once again to where I am in relation to this dream. The group gathering, the questions, explorations, and possible solutions, is close at hand. I don’t know much about what will come. I know that jobs, as we know them, are not part of the new world. I know that money is not part of the new world, and I know that the way we (individually, collectively) relate to money, is a sickness, a disease that cannot be brought into the new world if the new world is to survive. I know I am part of something new. How I ‘fit’, and my part in the whole, will unfold as this dream continues to unfold in waking life.
The dream is not over. Something wonderful and momentous is close at hand. I joyfully embrace this new world as it unfolds within and around me. I dive in, emerge, awaken. With others, I explore and learn how to navigate in this new world. We prepare for a time when all that has come before is no more, and we prepare our selves, our intentions, our purpose, for service to those who will also arrive in this world — they will need what we have learned. I discover my place, my part in this group, and I offer my vision in response to our collective seeking, questioning, and purpose.